The concept of slow consumption has entered people’s minds in everything from fashion to food, so it makes sense that the concept has now gone from the streets to the sheets. Tantric sex is actually an ancient practise, but it’s something more and more people are looking into in now that we’ve ditched the shame in talking about sex, and everyone’s getting around talking about getting it on.
Look, sometimes sex is like a microwave, switch on, immediate heat, bell rings, signed sealed delivered, mission accomplished. HOWEVER, sometimes you’re after a more connected, mindful experience, like a sexy slow cooker, and tantra can definitely help you unlock some hot hypnotic freaky time. Here’s a cheatsheet for those wanting a side of soul with their sex life.
Learn it’s history
It stems from the Sanskrit word tantra, which means “woven together” and is rooted in Hindu and Buddhist teachings. It essentially means combining the physical and spiritual, which looks like slowing down an intimate experience and emphasizing the connection between two (or more) people. When taking on the practises of other cultures, it’s always good to understand where it came from. It feels better, you know the full story, and it’s respectful. For those wanting more context, this overview is an excellent place to start.
It’s the anti-porn
So much of porn looks like the weird, unrealistic fantasies of a horny teenage boy, and this is the antithesis of that. It’s about pleasure rather than presentation. It’s not about worrying about that beautiful crease in your stomach, wondering what your boobs look like from *that* angle, or stressing about whether you may or may not be rocking a double chin. It’s about ditching the desire-crushing thoughts and being present. Think eye gazing, gratitude and space holding.
I mean sure, it can definitely get experimental depending on how deep into the practise you want to go, but it’s actually more about the mind-body connection. So whilst there *might* be some of the aforementioned unclothed contortion, they’ve been carefully curated to encourage you and your partner to get more connected.
You can take it really, really slow
You might have heard tantric sex sessions can last up to 4 days, and felt frankly sh*t scared whilst saying a small prayer for your cervix. But don’t panic! It might surprise you to learn that tantric sex can be achieved in as little as 15 minutes, which may not sound like very long, but when you consider that the average sex session lasts 7 minutes, it’s actually double that. It’s all about taking it low and slow. Think tantric tortoise, not horny hare.
The big O’s not the (only) goal
It’s not just about getting off, it’s about getting to know each other, and ultimately yourself better. Being physical with your partner is about so much more than straighforward sex (although that’s fun too, obvs), but who said penetration had to hold all the power? It’s about sensuality, pleasure and enjoying being in the presence of your partner. Think being fully in the moment, consciousness and deepening your connection, get that right and yep, chances are you’ll be staring down the barrel of some pretty earth-shattering orgasms.
The more specific you are, the sexier it gets
There’s a lot of reasons people feel weird about communicating what gets them off during sex, but tantra can help remove that reulctance. It’s about saying exactly what you want when you want it, and holding the space to listen to your partner doing the same. Sex is meant to be amazing for both parties, and tantric sex puts you in the driving seat of your own desire. Get out of your head and into your gorgeous physical body and just *feel* what’s working for you.
A lot of tantric sex is rooted in the breathing of those practising it, and no not the climax-induced asthma attack-esque normal sex kind. Partners are encouraged to synchronise their breathing, and then focus on the part of the body that the breath goes to in them and their partner(s). Verdict? Surprisingly sexy.
In our over-scheduled lives, it’s pretty wild how little time we give to the things that make us feel good. If you’re looking for a sign to explore the spiritual side of your sexuality, achieve longer, more satisfying orgasms and create a deeper, more holistic connection with your partner(s), this is it. Enjoy!
Article image credit @oaknarrow
Article written by Ianthe Jacob