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When is enough enough?

When is enough ENOUGH?

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Relationships are weird. One day you’re chilling in an almost insufferably smug bubble of love, laughter, and let’s face it, heaps of sex, and the next you’re in Ikea having a pass-agg standoff about cushion covers. This can happen slowly over time, like an animal crawling to the woods to die in peace, or a short, sharp smack in the face that derails the speeding love train. Whether it’s the way they speak to a waiter, finding out they lied, or suggesting they get a tattoo of your daughter they’ve never met (true story), some things just can’t be ignored. We asked 12 people to share the moments that marked the beginning of the end for them. dsdsd


We were together for 3 years and it was super abusive, emotionally and physically. It took me a surprisingly long time to realise that a lot of the stuff going on between us wasn’t right. He’d done all this horrible stuff that was so much worse than cheating, but the moment I knew it was over was hearing that. My friends found out, sat me down and said “these are the facts, this is what happened.” It was obviously really sad, but it was also my escape from feeling so trapped and what I needed to move on. It was a horrible, dramatic moment, followed by having to break up with him and him going nuts at me. Despite that, I am so grateful that he cheated on me because that’s what I needed to be free. 


Realising I no longer wanted to have sex with them, and the thought of it made me feel physically sick. 


He sent me a video message saying he hoped I was “warm and snuggled” for the night. He was a member of the C-suite of my company at the time, and looking back I felt groomed based on how vulnerable I was at that stage of my life. Warm and snuggled-gate was the tip of the iceberg really. I would wake up to dozens of video messages, including daydreams of us getting married, musings over whether we'd travel well together and various other domestic scenarios like whether I could cook which I now realise were his true thoughts on where women really belong.

The final straws were: 

- When he said he felt we were eternally linked and “married in the eyes of the universe”. 

- When he sent me a text saying  'I have been vomiting all day from the trauma of this' when I broached the subject of breaking up, along with veiled suicide threats. 

- When he said he was still going to proceed with the tattoo he wanted to get which was a combination of my name and my daughter’s (who he’d never met). 

-And finally, when he blocked me on LinkedIn to 'protect me' (still have no idea what that really means). 


The end of my marriage was really a case of death by a thousand cuts, but a clarifying moment was my Grandmother’s funeral where he tried to take our daughter back home during yet another toxic argument. It's hard to see a future with someone who could put themselves in the centre of someone else's grief in that way and try to make the situation about them.


I knew it was over when I was on Find my Friends at 5am on a Tuesday, zooming in and out of Google maps switching between my iPhone and laptop to try and muster up some sort of idea as to where he could be that was more important than our home.


When she lied about being pregnant for literally no reason. 


I was dating a judge who was perfect for me on paper. He'd asked if I would be comfortable having a date near where I lived so he could get to know my area better. I met him at the station and we started to walk up a hill, he was lovely and tall and I looked up at him as he was telling a story which I can't recall the details of. It was then that I realised that the lenses of his glasses had gone a weird colour and after a few seconds got that sick feeling in my stomach - I now need to spend the rest of my day with a man wearing glasses that darken in the sun, (and they were absolutely not the cool kind). We went to a restaurant indoors and it took approx 45 mins for them to go back to normal.


When he did a ‘mangina’ in a paddling pool on a rooftop at a 30th birthday party.     


I was standing in the door frame of my house and we were salty, back from the beach. He opened the door and walked in and as I followed him I knew that we weren’t meant to be together. Every feeling that I’d had of love suddenly seemed so childish. I felt like a fool and as though I’d made an enormous mistake. I don’t even remember what we were talking about or what had happened. Looking back it was probably the first time we went outside that summer instead of doing coke in my living room and going back inside hit me like a tonne of bricks. I remember the huge shift in feelings so clearly, but I don’t know why they happened then?! 


When I realised he didn’t know me as a person at all and cared more about what the outside world thought of our relationship. He got me a watch for our anniversary even though I never wear them, and then uploaded a video of us to social media before showing it to me. 


When he shaved his head and tried to hide it from me. 


When I realised other parts of my life (specifically my work) were being negatively impacted by my relationship. In more detail it was when I caught him high on meth and at first thought “it’s okay, we’ll work through this again.” But it wasn’t okay.  I spent all day trying to work but couldn’t focus, and that’s when I realised that I actually couldn’t do this again.


I knew it was over when we were having sex and I could just tell that it was going to be the last time. I knew our lives were going in different directions, it was like an out-of-body experience looking down on what was happening and knowing I was going somewhere else.

Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s really, really not. If you’re experiencing any of the more serious issues mentioned above with your partner, you’re never alone. 


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Article Written by Ianthe Jacob

Article image credit @pinterest